Holy Lamenated Pie Charts, Madman! The Unemployment Rate is Sky High!

I can understand the pains of not having a job, I really can. What's more, I can understand the pains of not having a job but having lots of bills to pay.

The difference between us, and not to be bragging of course, is that I am essentially the Spirit World equivalent of a trust fund baby. Don't let the shabby look of my host fool you: she might look like a barely trained gorilla most days, but my parents are loaded. We're talking vomit-inducing loaded. With cold hard cash monies. After all, I didn't study something profitable in Spirit World U. I studied linguistics. Why would anyone need to pay me to do any sort of linguistics job when I'll essentially talk without end for free. Luckily I have parents to foot all of my bills. Again, not like I'm bragging.

But because I do understand that being unemployed is not that great of a thing to be, I figured I would take on Mission Two and try to see what I can do about unemployment in Good Ol' Modesto, California.

LEARN: Not surprising, you don't have to look far to figure out that people are having a hard time keeping their jobs and finding new ones. My host can't find a job (please don't tell her I said that. She will break my spine. Seriously). Lots of people the two of us know also can't find jobs. The numbers are pretty scary! But something like unemployment is such a daunting task, just where am I supposed to start?! You would think that if it was something so uncomplicated that a single person could solve it, it would have been solved long ago. I might be handsome, amazing and too-cool-for-school (the kids still say that right? Right? I mean, they said it at one point in history. I think...), but that doesn't mean that I can solve all the world's problems! Then again, when have I ever let "impossible" stop me from trying before. Never, that's when.

Please note: sometimes things look impossible because they actually are impossible and not all that advisable. There is a reason your finger does not fit snugly in an electrical outlet. Don't try to force it. You will die. 

IMAGINE: What I would with all the resources at my finger tips... well, personally, I see this as an opportunity to be as selfish as I could possibly want. But, really, all for the common good, of course! With, say, a modest billion dollars, I would ride into Modesto like a fairy godmother, well godfather I guess, and spend money left and right as if I were hemorrhaging it out of my eye sockets! I would by well fitting shoes and all manner of fancy hats. Of course, I would get a monocle, fashioned from glass derived from the finest of Tear du Orphan. I don't even know if such a thing exists yet, but with a billion dollars, I could make it exist by throwing enough money at it! And It's not me being selfish, I'm spending money because I care.

What's more, on top of spending money on things I don't need but do yearn for, I will just hire all of the unemployed workers to be my personal servants. Some will comb my hair, others will walk my pet tigers and some I'll pay just to hang around me so I look better by comparison. Really, they should be thankful. I'll make sure every Friday is Freckles Friday, where everyone has to wear light-ish red wigs and wear scarves around their necks and look like totally hip cats. Meow~!

 ACT: Realistically, I know there's not much that can be done. After all, even if my imagination was wickedly awesome for myself, all it would do would be to inflate the local economy superficially. What would happen if I left? They would go right back down to being unemployed. You can't put all of your eggs in one basket. And in the case of Modesto, you can't justify having 400 baskets when you've only got 3 quail eggs. Modesto is too small a place to warrant any large companies coming into town. What is the draw of Modesto other than a high crime rate? The local talent pool is rather stagnant, as is pretty much the whole of the central valley. I hate to sound so defeatist, but unless businesses and consumers work in tandem, nothing can get done. Consumers! Stop holing away all of your savings for a rainy day! If you don't spend a little now, believe me, that money you're saving can only depreciate in valley. And Companies, bring more jobs in so people will have more money to spend! See how it works? All sides have to work together or there will just be failure for everyone!

It's great if you don't agree with me, because I hope that means you're out there doing your duty as a consumer and buying things. I know second hand might be the best value or buying that Winnie the Pooh plastic sippy cup for your private collection is cheaper when it's made in China, but whenever you buy use or non-American, don't complain later down the line when you can't find any work because there just aren't any. If no one, not the consumers and not the companies, is willing to "take one for the team" and be the first to put real money on the table, nothing will change. Simple as that.